Other stories by Ell that are amazing are:
Thoughts on Togetherness at Three in the Morning
And I finally get to take my newest userpic for a spin. It's of a fresh-faced Catherine Disher back in 1986 from a so bad it's good movie called "The Vindicator". She plays the heroine's kooky friend/sidekick. She's a laugh riot and the best thing in the movie. And no I'm not just saying that because I'm a fan. She kicked some major ass. I'll eventually do a picspam in honor of that.
A while back I wrote up a little something for bop_radar's character study challenge. There were several Forever Knight prompts and so I settled on one that I felt would be a challenge. A Tracy prompt on Nick that needless to say I didn't get to finish in time for the deadline. I told myself it would be something short and something akin to a writing exercise but unfortunately it's ended up a little longer than I'd planned. Length wise it's about as long as my first Forever Knight story The Ease of Friendship but I'm still ironing a few things out. Anyway, as the deadline approached and my desire to contribute something to the wonderful challenge boppy had put together I threw together a short ficlet on a different prompt: Nick Knight--Redemption. It doesn't entirely work and other then the prompt list for the challenge it hasn't appeared anywhere else but I figure what the Hell. It explores Nick's desire for redemption but at the same time his fear of redemption. I sometimes wondered if Nick wasn't sabotaging his own attempts at mortality because he's afraid of what he'll have to confront when he meets his maker. In season 2's "Near Death" he didn't like hearing from the guide that despite the good deeds he's done through the centuries the state of his soul is less than stellar. Oh well, maybe one of these days I'll go back and try to fix it or simply leave it as an example of what can happen when you try to write some introspective stuff in 30 minutes. This is my quickie Forever Knight ficlet now titled Catch-22.
He'll sometimes go for days ignoring the nagging voice in his head in favor of Natalie's as it whispers in his ear.
The voice in his head is unwaveringly pessimistic while Nat's is unwaveringly encouraging. One offers doubt and the other offers life.
From the first moment he met her Natalie has remained steadfast that his "condition" is a physical one. He wants to believe her with every fiber of his being. Why else would be he go along with her vitamins, medications, solid food regimes, and sun bed sessions. She has such faith in her science and that science will unlock the mysteries of his vampirism. So when she greets his arrival with a great big smile and unending enthusiasm he holds his tongue to keep from voicing the concerns that sneak up on him during the day and he buckles down as he tries to swallow the milky, chalky "shakes" she places in his hands.
But when he leaves the voice of doubt creeps back in. Natalie is treating his body but what about his soul? Science doesn't treat the defiled state his is in. So while Natalie examines his blood and all the physical data she's accumulated on him Nick wonders about what would happen if she does indeed find some way to control the bloodlust and all the other physical identifiers of the vampire. Who then will tend to his spiritual well being?
Nick doesn't for a second believe that the last few centuries of good deeds, the 100 years since he's tasted fresh human blood, and his attempts to give back to humanity would be enough in his need to find absolution.
He needs him immortality to pay back for his transgressions but to remain immortal means to remain just out of salvation's grasp.
Nick let himself be seduced by LaCroix's promise of power and the intoxicating lure of Janette's passion and he turned his back on the one constant in his mortal life--his faith--and now almost 800 years later he's playing the price for his moment of weakness. If he dies now or 50 years from now as a mortal his soul is damned for all eternity. That's what he doesn't want to tell Natalie.
She might be able to save his body but his soul is another problem entirely. So for now Nick takes his garlic pills, works on his tan, and tries not to dwell too much on what will happen when he meets the God he turned his back on.